The Comedian's Eye View - 5/6/96
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From: Peter Langston <psl>
Date: Mon, 6 May 96 00:48:04 -0700
Subject: The Comedian's Eye View - 5/6/96
Excerpted-from: ShopTalk <SHOPTALK@LISTSERV.SYR.EDU>
"After my last game...I'll walk off the court and take off one
piece of clothing with every step. Then I'll be at midcourt,
and I'll walk the rest of the way to the locker room nude.
Nobody's ever done that before, and it can be my parting shot
to the NBA."
-- Dennis Rodman in his new book "Bad as I Wanna Be"
In the news: Cutler Daily Scoop, on the Republican debate about possibly
softening their anti-abortion platform at their convention: "The way Bob
Dole jumps around on the issue, the platform had better come with
Adds Paul Steinberg: "Some Republicans are concerned that Dole doesn't have
a vision. Actually, what he doesn't have is a prayer."
Alan Ray, on Saturday's Kentucky Derby: "Champion thoroughbreds possess the
same traits as other professional athletes. They make a lot of money,
behave like 3-year-olds, and can't read or write."
O.J. Simpson will visit England. He dreads the long overnight flight. The
last time he took a red eye, it was murder. (Alan Ray)
Charlie Reinke, on the Olympic torch riding aboard a train through part of
Arizona: "It gave Amtrak engineers a chance to use something other than
matches to light a joint."
Argus Hamilton, on Congress wanting a return to the Family Hour on TV:
"Those old shows had values. If 'Little House on the Prairie' were on TV,
it would be about three hookers in Wichita."
Alex Kaseberg, on scientists discovering the cause of attention deficit
disorder: "The big surprise? It isn't MTV."
Buddy Baron, on a possible ban of Playboy and Penthouse on military bases:
"The only boobs the troops will see are ones wearing lieutenant's bars."
Jay Leno, on the Department of Labor dropping its demand that Hooters
restaurant hire male waiters: "It was kind of a stupid idea. What man
wants to spend all day walking around in orange hot pants with a bare
midriff and a skimpy halter top? OK, besides Dennis Rodman?"
© 1996 Peter Langston