Fun_People Archive
1 Apr
Shoptalk, Tuesday April 2, 1996

Date: Mon, 1 Apr 96 20:29:29 -0800
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Shoptalk, Tuesday April 2, 1996

[In re: April Fool's Day...  -psl]

Excerpted-from: Shoptalk, Tuesday April 2, 1996

"Martha Stewart's friends always drive her crazy by playing impractical
jokes."  (Alex Pearlstein)

"In February we honored the presidents, so today we pay tribute to Congress."
(Alan Ray)

"What's the most common trick pulled in America?  Promise voters you're not
going to raise taxes."  (Ray)

The vice squad:  Bob Dole got rejected by another potential running mate--New
Jersey Gov. Christine Todd Whitman.  Says Steve Tatham, "Dole has almost run
out of people who can spell 'potato.'"

Al Gore referred to Newt Gingrich as "the Pied Piper of the preposterous."
Says Paul Steinberg, "Uh-oh, looks like Gore has caught the dreaded Spiro
Agnew disease."

Says Richard Acello, "If Steve Forbes became Ross Perot's running mate, they
could chip in and pay every American $50,000 to vote for them--providing a
real message of hope, growth and opportunity."

In the News: The National Research Council wants stickers n cars to rate
their crash worthiness.  Jenny Church says why not just use spare campaign
bumper stickers?
 Clinton:  Car tends to swerve back and forth across the middle of the road.
 Dole: Older model, high mileage, veers to the right.
 Perot: Compact model, makes lots of noise, engine may quit and restart
	unpredictably.

Astronaut Shannon Lucid is spending five months aboard the Russian space
station Mir.  Says Ray, "She trained to be isolated and the lone woman in her
surroundings by joining the Republican Party."

CBS announced that "Murder, She Wrote" will air its last show in May.  Says
Reinke, "In the last episode, she'll investigate the network executive who
killed the show by moving it to Thursdays opposite "Friends."

© 1996 Peter Langston