Date: Fri, 2 Feb 96 13:01:07 -0800
From: Peter Langston <psl>
Subject: Medical Records
Forwarded-by: Lani Herrmann <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Doctors are, for the most part, human. Which means they make blunders and
bloopers just like anybody else.
The current Journal of Polymorphous Perversity offers a collection of
oddball medical reports -- and as the introduction warns, "this varicose
vein of anguished English has in no way been doctored."
-- The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
-- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
-- He had a left-toe amputation one month ago. He also had a left-knee
amputation last year.
-- Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
-- By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was
-- The patient is a 79-year-old widow who no longer lives with her husband.
-- The patient refused an autopsy.
-- The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant
with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
-- Many years ago the patient had frostbite of the right shoe.
-- The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her
-- The bugs that grew out of her urine were cultured in the ER and are not
available. I WILL FIND THEM!!!
© 1996 Peter Langston