Fun_People Archive
27 Feb
Words to live by

Date: Mon, 27 Feb 95 17:04:52 PST
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Words to live by

Forwarded-by: <Ninafel@aol.com>
Forwarded-by: jhoff@msri.org


"Smoking kills.  If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your  life."
     Brooke Shields, said to demonstrate why she should become
     spokesperson for a federal antismoking campaign


"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
     Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward


"I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially
members of the House and members of the Senate."
     Vice-President Dan Quayle (surprise, surprise)


"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the  country."
     Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.


On Pesticides:
"Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of
something else anyway."
     Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on chlordane


"The exports include thumbscrews and cattle prods, just routine items for
the police."
     Commerce Department spokesman on a regulation allowing the export of
     various products abroad


"Are you any relation to your brother Marv?"
     Leon Wood, New Jersey Nets guard, to Steve Albert, Nets TV commentator


"If you can't make the putts and can't get the man in from second on the
bottom of the ninth, you're not going to win enough football games in this
league, and that's the problem we had today."
     Sam Rutigliano, Cleveland Browns coach, on why his team lost


On Death, Government Ability to Communicate After:
"Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued...
Reason: it has been reported to our office that you expired on January 1,
1976."
     Illinois Department of Public Aid


On Criticism:
"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass --
and I'm just the one to do it."
     a congressional candidate in Texas


MEMBERS AND NON-MEMBERS ONLY
     sign outside Mexico City's Mandinga Disco in the Hotel Emporio


Wish--To end all the killing in the world
Hobbies--Hunting and fishing
     from personal statistics of California Angel Bryan Harvey, flashed on
     the scoreboard at Anaheim Stadium


"He's trying to take the decision out of the hands of twelve honest men and
give it to 435 Congressmen!"
     Representative Charles Vanik of Ohio, when he heard that the indicted
     Spiro Agnew was asking to have his corruption case tried by the House
     instead of in a regular court


"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history... this
century's history....  We all lived in this century.  I didn't live in
this century."
     Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republican vice-presidential
     candidate during a news conference in which he was asked his opinion
     about the Holocaust



"In the early sixties, we were strong, we were virulent..."
     John Connally, Secretary of Treasury under Richard Nixon, in an early
     seventies speech, as reported in a contemporary "American Scholar"


"At the Lincoln Park traps on Sunday...over 80 shooters took part in the
program.  Rotarians, be patriotic!  Learn to shoot yourself."
     from Chicago Rotary Club journal, "Gyrator"


"The streets are safe in Philadelphia, it's only the people who make them
unsafe."
     Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia


On Poultry Inspectors, Little-known Importance of:
"The crime bill passed by the Senate would reinstate the Federal death
penalty for certain violent crimes:  assassinating the President;
hijackiing an airliner; and murdering a government poultry inspector."
     Knight Ridder News Service dispatch


"After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the
school department is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of
David Steele to the post."
     Philip Streifer, superintendent of schools, Barrington Rhode Island


"I've always thought that underpopulated countries in Africa are vastly
underpolluted."
     Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why
     we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries

© 1995 Peter Langston