Fun_People Archive
26 Jan
Miscellaneous Yoomer

Date: Thu, 26 Jan 95 14:05:35 PST
From: Peter Langston <psl>
To: Fun_People
Subject: Miscellaneous Yoomer

Forwarded-by: "Henry Cate III" <cate3@netcom.com>


"Give me a place to sit, and I'll watch."
                -- friend of Archimedes

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:The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to
:constants; instead of referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every
:appearance, the variable PI can be given that value with a DATA
:statement and used instead of the longer form of the constant.  This
:also simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change.
:		-- FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers
:

Obviously Xerox (tm) remembers when the Indiana state legislature came
within one vote of "simplifying" the value of pi to 3.2.

----------------------------------------------------

Difference between US & UK...
	UK - 100 miles is a long distance.
	US - 100 years is a long time.

----------------------------------------------------

You have to admire trees.  Even though they start to lose their leaves,
they never consider growing a beard.

----------------------------------------------------

From: The Wall Street Journal today [when?  -psl]:

Ever notice, when finally you've got to a position where you're holding all
the cards, that everybody else is playing chess?

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Q: How do you double the value of a Hyundai?
A: Fill it with gas.

----------------------------------------------------

Objoke: 4 rabbis had a series of theological arguments, and 3
were always in accord against the fourth.  One day, the odd
rabbi out, with the usual "3 to 1, majority rules" statement
that signified that he had lost again, decided to appeal to a
higher authority.  "Oh, God!" he cried.  "I know in my heart 
that I am right and they are wrong!  Please show me a sign, so
they too will know that I understand Your laws."

It was a beautiful, sunny day.  As soon as the rabbi finished his
plaint, a storm cloud moved across the sky above the four.  It
rumbled once and dissolved.  "A sign from God!  See, I'm right,
I knew it!"  But the other three disagreed, pointing out that
stormclouds form on hot days.

So he asked again: "Oh, God, I need a bigger sign to show that I
am right and they are wrong.  So please, God, a bigger sign."

This time four stormclouds appeared, rushed toward each other to
form one big cloud, and a bolt of lightning knocked down a tree
ten feet away from the rabbis.  The cloud dispersed at once.  "I
told you I was right!" insisted the loner, but the others insisted
that nothing had happened that could not be explained by natural
causes.

The insisting rabbi is all ready to ask for a *very big* sign when
just as he says "Oh God..." the sky turns pitch black, the earth
shakes, and a deep, booming voice intones, "HEEEEEEEE'S RIIIIIIIGHT!"

The sky returns to normal.  The one rabbi puts his hands on his hips
and says, "Well?"  "So," replied another, "now it's 3 to 2!"

© 1995 Peter Langston