A little standup from the past...
Date: Tue, 13 Dec 94 12:48:59 PST
Subject: A little standup from the past...
Forwarded-by: firstname.lastname@example.org (Henry Cate)
Contributed by Steve Kufer, who attended the Comedy Celebration Day.
Here are highlights from Comedy Celebration Day on July 31, 1988 in
San Francisco... These are some of the comedians more memorable
quotes during the day:
I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent
them two hammers and a toilet seat.
My mother wants grandchildren, so I said, "Mom, go for it!"
A lady came up to me on the street and pointed to my suede jacket.
"You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" she sneered. I replied
in a psychotic tone, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll
have to kill you too."
It gives me great pleasure to introduce this next comedian. But before
I give myself great pleasure....
I don't kill flies, but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above
globes. They freak out and yell "Whooa, I'm way too high."
I like to sing to the songs on the radio in my car. When you go into
a tunnel, it's hard to come out on the right note. Actually, the news is
Hotels are tired of getting ripped off. I checked into a hotel and they
had towels from my house.
This Thanksgiving is gonna be a special one. My mom says I don't
have to sit at the card table.
Remember folks. Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for
I come from a small town whose population never changed. Each time
a woman got pregnant, someone left town.
© 1994 Peter Langston