If A Computer O/S Ran Your Airplane
Date: Mon, 3 Oct 94 17:25:06 PDT
Subject: If A Computer O/S Ran Your Airplane
Forwarded-by: Tom Kuhn <email@example.com>
IF A COMPUTER O/S RAN YOUR AIRPLANE
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let
the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then they push again, jump on
again and so on.
DOS with QEMM Airline:
The same thing but with more leg room to push.
All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket
agents look the same, act the same, and talk the same. Every time you ask
questions about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to
know, and that everything will be done for you without you having to know, so
just shut up.
To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different times by
standing in ten different lines. Then you fill out a form showing where you
want to sit and whether the plane should look and feel like an ocean liner, a
passenger train, or a bus. If you succeed in getting on board the plane and
the plane succeeds in getting off the ground, you have a wonderful trip...
except for the times when the rudder and flaps get frozen in position, in
which case you have time to say your prayers and get in crash position.
The airport terminal is nice and colorful, with friendly stewards and
stewardesses, easy access to the plane, and a completely uneventful
takeoff...then, once in the air, the plane blows up without any warning
Windows NT Airline:
Everyone marches out on the runway, says the password in unison, and
forms the outline of an airplane. Then they all sit down and make a
whooshing sound like they're flying.
Everyone brings one piece of the plane with them when they come to the
airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by
piece, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they're building.
There is no airplane. The passengers gather and shout for an airplane,
then wait and wait and wait and wait. A bunch of people come, each carrying
one piece of the plane with them. These people all go out on the runway and
put the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of
plane they're building. The plane finally takes off, leaving the passengers
on the ground waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. After the plane
lands, the pilot telephones the passengers at the departing airport to inform
them that they have arrived.
After buying your tickets 18 months in advance, you finally get to board
the plane. Upon boarding the plane, you are asked for your name. After 4-6
attempts, the crew member recognizes your name and you are then allowed to
take your seat. As you are getting ready to take your seat, the steward
announces that you will have to repeat the boarding process because they are
out of room and need to recount to make sure they can take more passengers.
© 1994 Peter Langston