Dear Dr. Nucleus
Date: Thu, 15 Sep 94 16:35:13 PDT
Subject: Dear Dr. Nucleus
Forwarded-by: bostic@CS.Berkeley.EDU (Keith Bostic)
Forwarded-by: jim@Tadpole.COM (Jim Thompson)
Forwarded-by: firstname.lastname@example.org Thu Sep 15 15:11:08 1994
Dear Dr. Nucleus:
How come everytime I get into line at the grocery store it seems to
be the slowest one. If I am in the "quick checkout" there is a lady who
is paying for her 12 items with cash, pennies. She is the soul of
conscientiousness: counting them out one at a time. She is also checking
to make sure that none of them are that rare one that her husband lost
in the penny jar back in '09.
If I am in the "normal line," a guy is paying for $500 worth of lamb
chops and brie with the combination of MasterCard, non-personalized checks
and foodstamps. By the way, he has also forgotten to get the mint jelly
for the lamb and will just run and get it. The manager, a barely
post-teen, has to be found to initial the checks because the store does
not trust the checker, a woman twenty years his senior in both age and
experience. What's even worse is that the double-dutch chocolate ice
cream I am holding close to my new silk blouse is starting to melt and
leak out of the carton. But that's OK because the mint jelly guy is
sending the bag boy back to get some laundry spot remover he forgot.
Maybe I could club the sacker for the remover or better yet, hit old mint
Still, I do manage some productive time by reading the tabloids on
the racks. Funny about Elvis, Michael, and Bill Clinton being aliens.
I never would have guessed Elvis. So what causes all of this? Which
line should I try?
Your faithful lab assistant, Ashley
Ashley, so that's where you've been! Get back to work and callout for
Chinese like I told you!
Lab Managers, have your laboratory and assistants become completely
unmanageable? Do graduate students insist on spending their stipends
on food instead of the Edmund Scientific catalog items? Help is on
the way! Write me at:
P.O. Box 751
Grover Beach, CA 93483
or email DrNucleus@AOL.COM
© 1994 Peter Langston